How calmly you told the end of our flame
Walking away, not even glancing back at me
Though you left me, I don’t give you the blame
That is why I feel more irritated, you see?
I could hear nothing, see nothing at all
Like I am in a dark room with no light to shine
A deep, creepy dungeon with black tall walls
Now there is not even a streak of light of mine
No difference in life or death now, you know?
The reason I lived was because you were with me
Since it’s gone, I only feel the sorrow
What should I do to make you comeback, bend my knee?
The poem is mourning about losing a lover - perhaps the couple is breaking up or one person is leaving.
ReplyDeleteThe language is formal: "Though you left me, I don't give you the blame", "Since it's gone, I only feel the sorrow". There is no use of slang or colloquial phrases.
The poem is written in elegiac couplets, with ABAB rhyme scheme for each stanza.
This poem is very serene and sorrowful; it is beautifully sad. It expresses the mind of a lover deeply, using interesting metaphors. The unique ideas (bend my knee, dungeon, flame, more irritated, etc) of the writer are reflected in several parts of the poem. The rhythm character of an elegy was also implemented in this piece.
May be you could clarify some of your ideas. For example, what do you mean by "the end of our flame"? Do you mean the fervent love between the couple has ceased?
Overall, great work! (:
1.This is a poem that is mourning the loss of a person that has a close connection to the author. I know because of word choice.
ReplyDelete2.I'd say that this poem is a formal poem because of the way she talks to the person.
3.the rhyme is good, but in some places there are the wrong number of syllables.
4. this is an amazing poem.
5. I have no idea how you could make it any better than it already is.