Confess secret

April 1, Friday
Today was a normal day until my swim coach announced our team had been selected to go to the states and compete with other schools on diving. Even though I’m in the swimming team, I never went on to the diving board because, I’m afraid of height! My fear of height started when I was young. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I was playing at the playground and when I reached the top of the jungle gym suddenly my foot slipped and I went tumbling down to the ground like a monkey falling off a tree. Falling from the top of the jungle gym, which was about 6 ft, to the ground happened in less than a second. I was carried to the emergency room and had a big surgery for my age. Before, I was just a normal kid who liked to climb stuff and jump off of it, however, after going through all that, it makes my stomach sick and my head dizzy when I’m on something very high, and look down. Still, after that, it wasn’t a very difficult thing to live with when you are living on the ground and don’t have to go up high, but now it’s different. We have total 8 swimmers and if there is even one swimmer missing, then the whole team is disqualified, but I don’t want that to happen. However, I didn’t tell anyone because, who has acrophobia these days? Anyways, my day ended with a worry.

April 3, Sunday
We had a swim extra practice, to practice diving for the competition in the states. Fortunately, my turn to jump off the diving board didn’t come, no one’s did, because some of the students were late so we had to go around the pool 25 laps, and then the coach got a stomach ache and left us to practice swimming for an hour. So, practically all we did for 2 hours of practice was getting punished and free time. After the practice, I came home and sat in my room thinking of what I should do.
There are two choices; one is keep the secret and just dive into the water without thinking that I’m diving. The other one is to tell the truth that I am afraid of height and tell everyone that I’m sorry. Who knows, that the coach might see me with pity and forgive me for not telling her, and get a new swimmer?

April 4, Monday
I guess the first choice won’t work. I was on the diving board today and I saw the waters shaking like waves and was about to swallow me! I felt like I was about to throw up. I wanted to burst out of that place immediately. However, I calmed myself and told coach that I had a nose bleed and can’t go in water today. She told me to go home early and show up to the next practice earlier to start on my diving. What should I do? I really want to tell everything and just get rid of it!

April 7, Thursday
I didn’t go to practice since the day I went on the diving board. I told coach that I was sick and couldn’t go to practice. I’m going to tell that I can’t go tomorrow too. I really do not want to go on the diving boards. I should really do something to this situation or else I might let my teammates disqualified and get myself humiliated, too.

April 9, Saturday
I thought about it a lot yesterday night in my bed, and finally made a hard decision. So I went to the practice today and asked coach if she could have few words with me. I went into the office and hardly began to tell her about my fear in height, however that I don’t want the team to lose in the state competition. First, I thought I was going to be yelled at for keeping it a secret. However, coach was smiling with an understanding face and said “Once, I was acrophobia and had to dive, so I told everyone I couldn’t and after the competition ended, I started, little by little, practicing to get over it. Look at me now! Good as new!” I was so relieved when she told me that, and it wasn’t late to practice getting over my acrophobia. She also told me she already had an eye on me. So starting from tomorrow, first, I’m going to try my best to not let my teammates disqualified because of me. Second, get over my fear in height and become the “me” who likes to climb and fall, and stand up again!

Poetry project

Ghazal

When I was alone, I felt loneliness.

But now I feel happiness.

You were the one who saved me from the dark.

And made also my life feel happiness

The world looks so beautiful.

It is filled with joy. Can you feel happiness?

Like the flowers bloom in May, you are my flower.

The one that is sensitive, and lovely, that need to feel happiness.

My heart started bounce after meeting you.

And now it’s broken, it can only feel happiness

Elegy

How calmly you told the end of our flame

Walking away, not even glancing back at me

Though you left me, I don’t give you the blame

That is why I feel more irritated, you see?

I could hear nothing, see nothing at all

Like I am in a dark room with no light to shine

A deep, creepy dungeon with black tall walls

Now there is not even a streak of light of mine

No difference in life or death now, you know?

The reason I lived was because you were with me

Since it’s gone, I only feel the sorrow

What should I do to make you comeback, bend my knee?

Villanelle

Never forget the first time we met

Nothing was different from other classmates

But, my senses tingled, yours didn’t yet

You were my partner, everything was set

All meant to be, before it was too late

Never forget the first time we met

I threw a ball, you picked it next to a net

The first sight of you opened the gate

of you, tingled my senses but not yours yet

It was a rainy day, soggy and wet

One umbrella, for you and me, what a soul mate!

Never ever forget the first time we met

I ran towards you, fast, like a jet

To tell you my feelings about you, wait,

I think my senses tingled but not you, yet

Finally the exciting game was set

And you walked away saying just like fate

Just never forget the first time we met

The senses tingle in me still, but not you yet

ode

On a normal day, I walked down the street

Just wandering for the “fun of the day”

There you were, standing on the hot concrete

So beautiful like the flowers in May!

I couldn’t control my body, my feet

You had the smile that made my heart beat

You made my face turn red, like an apple

There was no such thing that made my world heat

Or so dreamy like the color purple

You organized my life plan nice and neat

I felt and thought of all this as a “we”

Walking towards you step by step, closer

There were ordinary days behind me

However, asked you to be my leader

The leader who will lead me to happy

Free verse

Sitting side by side

With a feathery warm breeze on the left

And a deep warm breath on the right

Doing nothing with you

On one warm sunny day

Leaning against you listening to music

This is what’s called peace

As the glittering sun sets, the shining stars start to wake up

And here I am with you

Saying hello to the stars and giving them names

Laughing together

Having the comfortable happiness of my life

With you